Brunette Ambition Read online

  So my freshman year of high school, I decided to take a break from the stage and give myself a normal high school life. I just wanted to be on the volleyball team, and have a boyfriend, and hang out with my friends and family at night. I joined the debate team and became a champion varsity debater, which still ranks as one of my most favorite things I’ve ever done. (In fact, it was so inspiring I seriously considered law school.) I tried debate for fun at first but teamed up with my friend Samantha, who was incredibly smart. Now, I was good at debate, but I wasn’t very smart—and so my opponents would try to call me out by asking me to define words. Like filibuster. I was once asked to define filibuster. I had no clue what it meant, but I managed to debate my way out of it by accusing my opponent of using a spelling contest as a distraction from the fact that their case was false. I was the mouth on that team, while Samantha was the brains (she went on to be valedictorian). We won 90 percent of our debates, and not just because we dressed up to match and were cuter than our predominately male compatriots. We were just that good. I look back at my time on the debate team as one of my best memories of high school and the place where I picked up some skills that I still rely on today. I know that I can always argue myself out of sticky situations—and I’m never intimidated to go head-to-head with people, even if they’re more educated than I am. It’s been a great resource to have in my back pocket. When my agent called senior year to tell me that they were reprising Fiddler on the Roof and that while I wasn’t fully Jewish, I was the most Jewish-looking girl in the business, I went back to Broadway. It broke my heart to abandon Samantha. I was devastated when Ben Shapiro replaced me as her partner. But ultimately, those three years of a normal high school life were all I needed to develop other interests.

  I’m a huge fan of having a well-rounded life: During my formative years, it was important to me that I learn to excel at things outside of singing and acting. Not only did this give me a break from the business, but it reaffirmed that my heart belonged to the stage. And you should try other things without necessarily trying them out as your job; just because you love something doesn’t mean it has to consume your days. It can just add richness and texture to your life. I spend most of my extracurricular time these days cooking, hiking, and catching up with my friends and family. Giving myself room to enjoy other things means that my passion for acting and singing never dulls.

  GIVING MYSELF ROOM TO ENJOY OTHER THINGS MEANS THAT MY PASSION FOR ACTING AND SINGING NEVER DULLS.

  In high school, when I looked back at my early days on Broadway, I discovered that the kids who were singularly focused on acting weren’t in the business anymore. But the kids whose parents kept it light and fun and encouraged them to try other things are still working in theater today. No matter what those outside interests may be, they’ll only enrich your life and make you better at your day job. For me, they make me a better actor, as they give me more to draw upon and a wider frame of reference. Whether you want to get into show business or regular business, don’t forget about the other things you enjoy doing, too. They won’t take you away from your career—they’ll just enrich your entire being. Nobody should be entirely defined by one thing.

  * * *

  MY IDEA OF A PERFECT SUNDAY

  1. Make breakfast.

  2. Go for a little hike in Runyon Canyon.

  3. Go to the farmer’s market.

  4. Come home and watch The Food Network, specifically Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives and Chopped, with Sheila, the cat I found behind a dumpster on the Paramount lot.

  5. Cook a nice dinner.

  6. Watch a movie.

  HOW I STAY GROUNDED AND KEEP PERSPECTIVE

  FAMILY

  We all know that show business is very difficult, but based on what I’ve observed my friends go through, it seems that all business is pretty tough these days. There’s always been pressure from traditional media to have a certain type of life and a certain amount of success, but with reality TV and social media joining the fray, there’s just too much noise these days telling us what we should be doing and how we should be doing it. Or at least social media is telling us what every-one else is doing and how they’re doing it. It can feel very overwhelming and confusing, particularly if your peers seem to be making bigger strides than you. It’s very important to tune out the noise.

  My mother and father were always the ones who reminded me that I should just be me. While other girls were partying it up and ending up facedown at the end of the night, I just wanted to get home. I refused to do what everyone else was doing just to be part of the crowd, particularly because when I was honest with myself, it didn’t appeal to me at all. I thank my parents and extended family for giving me the strength to keep my head on straight and to stay focused on the things that are important to me. They’ve always been the support system that’s allowed me to keep my eye on the prize. When my life starts to feel like it’s spinning a bit out of control, or whenever I feel run-down, or exhausted, or like I can’t possibly do it all, I always turn to them first. They always treat me like Lea Sarfati. In this business, it’s very easy to forget who you are and where you come from, but they’re a constant reminder that ultimately nothing has changed. Part of surviving Hollywood—and life, really—is to keep your world relatively intimate and packed with people who will always have your best interests in mind. My family is at the very center of the circle.

  TAKING CARE OF MYSELF

  My day job is physically and mentally pretty taxing: Besides the basics of being an actress (i.e., showing up on set with lines memorized), dancing and singing can really take their toll. I wouldn’t be able to do any of it if I didn’t put a premium on taking care of my body. If my schedule allows, a long hike or a yoga class reorients me—otherwise I’ll always find five minutes to ride my bike around set, or five minutes just to sit and stretch. (I’ll tell you more about this in chapter 5.) And ultimately, I love at-home centering, which is why you’ll never find me letting off steam at bars or clubs, or shopping at the mall. The best remedy for a long day is always a thirty-minute bath.

  All smiles with my parents at the dinner table.

  When sensory overload strikes and I can’t step away, I’ll run through a quick meditation exercise. I close my eyes, tune out my surroundings, and just focus on taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. Freaking out during a pop quiz or an overwhelming day at the office? I urge you to take a walk to the bathroom and try it.

  And finally, I look for any opportunity to decompress. I grew up in a family where love is best expressed through food, so being in the kitchen is one of my favorite ways to unwind. My ultimate comfort food? Hearty soup or grilled cheese sandwiches—eaten while watching reality TV. Whether you find your calm through a delicious snack, a long run, or a phone call with a friend, don’t let the stress of the outside world impose on your sense of perspective. Regardless of what it takes, make sure that you touch base, as often as possible, with all the things that make you you.

  * * *

  The Spotlight

  1. Be you. It’s so cheesy, but there’s no one better at being you than you. Don’t slough off the things that make you special just to fit a mold—your story is the most interesting thing you’ve got going for you, so use it!

  2. Be proud of all the things that make you different, and flex those distinctions—where you come from and your family—as your biggest strengths.

  3. Remember your role models and keep them in your mind as signposts for everything that’s possible in life. Whether you’re fifteen or fifty, it’s always good to surround yourself with people you find inspiring and from whom you believe you can learn.

  4. Keep the people who love you, like your family, close. They made you who you are, so don’t neglect them on your road to achieving your goals. Assuming they’re supportive, use them as a resource for strength and guidance. That’s what they’re there for!

  5. Don’t let stress derail you: Don’t forget to check in with
yourself every night.

  CH 2

  THE BIZ

  “You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.”

  —BARBRA STREISAND

  I’ve been collecting a paycheck since I was a little girl—doing jobs that seem too fun to be considered work. When I was eight, I landed on Broadway and started down the path to make my first childhood dream come true. No, I didn’t want to be a princess, or a doctor, or even a member of the Mickey Mouse Club. I wanted to be a diva! It’s funny that the word has negative connotations in Hollywood, because growing up, that was my dream! That’s what every girl on Broadway strives to be. After all, didn’t Beyoncé say that a diva is just a female version of a hustler? In New York, being a diva doesn’t have negative connotations—it has great connotations. I wanted to live my life in stage makeup, in Times Square. I wanted to tackle all the famous Broadway roles, not only those played by its most famous leading ladies, either, but those played by the leading men, too. Because, quite frankly, why not? Any girl would want to play Maria from West Side Story, but what preteen fantasizes about playing Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha?

  Once I found my place on Broadway, the passion and determination and motivation to make the stage my home forever took hold. I knew there was no other place for me to be, that I was lucky enough to find, at a very young age, exactly what I was good at and exactly what made me happy. And I intended to follow my heart and to keep performing—all with a smile on my face. Don’t get me wrong: It wasn’t always as easy as my first open audition when I was eight. After all, I wandered into that audition with no conception of how it would change my life—I only went because my best friend, Chloe, wanted to go, and somehow I ended up landing the role of Cosette on Broadway. I’ve definitely suffered my fair share of sucker-punch rejections and miscues: I’ve lost out on roles that I believed, at the time, were everything I needed to take the next step; I’ve lost count of the times that people who theoretically know all about these things told me I was making the wrong decisions (like the time that someone told me Spring Awakening would flop and I shouldn’t do it, when it was actually one of the biggest catapults in my career—more on that later). But those bumps and burns only made me more thankful that I knew so deeply that I had found my true home, because I never for a second stopped pushing forward, thought about quitting, or ignored my own gut. I had the resolve to carry on, because nothing ever felt as right as performing, and I somehow knew that if I maintained my energy and enthusiasm and drive and sanity, and continued to work hard, I’d find my way through.

  I’ve learned a lot of life skills on the stage along the way, which I will touch on in a few pages, but one of the most powerful lessons I learned is that you don’t always get the jobs, and breaks, that you think you want and think you deserve. Just as you’ll likely be passed over for a promotion at some point in your career, I’ve been passed over for a lot of roles. And while it always seemed like the end of the world, or at least the end of my career, in that moment, everything has always worked out for the best. Case in point: I was devastated when I didn’t land a part in the Broadway revival of West Side Story, as that’s one of the shows I’ve always wanted to do, and I truly believed that would be my next big thing. It wasn’t meant to be, and as tough as that was to fathom in the days after the rejection, a month later I got the part of Rachel Berry. As difficult as it can be to put your faith in the future, if you do your part by working hard and trying your best, I truly believe that good things will always come and the right path will make itself evident.

  Whether you’re considering a career on the stage or a career at a desk, I hope that it’s a path you’re so passionate about that you’ll fight for every opportunity. I hope it sings to every fiber of your being and that you can’t imagine doing anything else. Perhaps my job consumes a larger percentage of my life than that of the average person, but even forty hours a week is too many hours to spend doing something that makes you unhappy. And I would be a fool to suggest that happiness can be a constant state, particularly when it comes to work, but it should feel joyful at times, and fulfilling, and productive, and challenging as much as possible. You should feel like you’re climbing a ladder that’s worth climbing.

  Here’s a look at my career trajectory so far—and all the important lessons I’ve learned along the way. While these may seem to apply most directly to Broadway, I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t have prepped me for a normal day job, too.

  LES MISÉRABLES (1995)

  LESSONS LEARNED: BASIC PROFESSIONALISM AND OPTIMISM

  BASIC PROFESSIONALISM

  Les Misérables was the perfect introduction to what it means to have a job. I was one of three eight-year-old girls who played the parts of Young Cosette and Young Eponine: During the eight shows a week, we would rotate through those two roles and every third time become the understudy to the other two, in case someone got sick or otherwise couldn’t perform.

  Needless to say, I took to Broadway life like a fish to water, both the performing part and the job part. Sure, I had had a schedule before: a time to be at school, a time to go to bed. But I’d never been in a position where my actions affected other people directly. Quite simply, I had to behave. Because the show had been running on Broadway for a long time, they had a strong system in place for teaching us all the ropes of show business. I may have been precocious, but I really took that time to learn the seemingly simple rules of getting along in an adult world.

  I immediately had to be professional, which on Broadway—and arguably beyond—means that I had to be on time; take care of myself and not get too tired or sick; and get along with, and work well with, others. It was very clear that we were each just one piece of a complex puzzle and that for the puzzle to come together correctly, we all had to do our part. I took all of this very seriously and absolutely loved being good at my job just as much as I loved playing with the other kids backstage. It was while doing Les Misérables that I learned that being the best at what you do and enjoying yourself while doing it are not mutually exclusive. That might seem like a silly lesson, but it’s informed my entire career. Work can be fun!

  IT WAS WHILE DOING LES MISÉRABLES THAT I LEARNED THAT BEING THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO AND ENJOYING YOURSELF WHILE DOING IT ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. THAT MIGHT SEEM LIKE A SILLY LESSON, BUT IT’S INFORMED MY ENTIRE CAREER. WORK CAN BE FUN!

  And sure, we were eight years old; we definitely did our share of goofing around. Our story line took place at the beginning of the show, but we had to stick around for curtain call, so we took that time to literally play Broadway. While our peers might have been playing house, we were reenacting Miss Saigon and The Phantom of the Opera. Clearly, we all loved the stage.

  OPTIMISM

  Like all the other kids in the cast, I wanted to be in Les Misérables forever. But all good things must end, and for kids on Broadway, things end when you literally outgrow the part. We had to be measured every week: Some stage moms would teach their kids how to slouch, so they could stick around for a bit longer, but my parents always told me to stand up straight. They felt like I needed to learn that just because Les Misérables was amazing and fun didn’t mean that there wouldn’t be more amazing and fun things down the road. They always urged me to enjoy it while it lasted, with the understanding that there would be something great for me when it was over. It’s hard to have that sort of faith when one show is all you’ve known and you’ve made great friends along the way, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to crying my face off when I got the call that I had outgrown my role. But sure enough, two weeks later, I landed another part, where I learned some more important lessons.

  Little me—at around eight years old—doing a press appearance for Les Mis.

  Backstage in character as Young Cosette.

  In my Young Éponine costume.

  In character as Young Cosette.

  Singing at press events for Les Mis.

  RAGTIME (1996–1999)

  LESSONS LEA
RNED: THE CRAFT, TEAMWORK, AND PERSEVERANCE

  THE CRAFT

  While Les Misérables had already been running for almost ten years when I joined the cast in 1995, Ragtime, an early-twentieth-century period piece, was a newly developed show. As is the case with all new Broadway musicals, Ragtime required a yearlong trial run outside of New York City before making its Broadway debut. Ragtime would spend this year in Toronto. This was a very big deal for my family, as my mother had never left my father’s side before, much less the country. But they thought it would be a great education for me, since I would get to work with four of Broadway’s greats: Marin Mazzie, Brian Stokes Mitchell (who went on to play my father on Glee), Peter Friedman, and Audra McDonald.

  My mother and I flew to Toronto and lived there for a year, and that is where I really learned about acting. I never had a singing or acting coach. I’ve taken a few classes from time to time, but for me, experience has always been the best way to learn. And in Ragtime, I was learning from the very best. Sure, I played my part, but what I really did was watch these four masters do their thing and absorb as much as possible. Every night, for example, I got to watch Audra McDonald sing her heart out: Every night, she would cry when she sang her song. Her ability to dig deep into her role, to tap into real emotions, to summon that character’s backstory, was astounding. In one scene, Audra had an altercation with a police officer; backstage, before going on, she would ask that actor to berate her, so she could fully feel and express her character’s pain and outrage. I watched her, and Brian, Marin, and Peter, practice their craft and soaked it all up like a sponge. Sometimes you just need to keep your mouth shut and learn.